The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. 1 reason BPD-diagnosed people initiate therapy is because of stress in relationships. I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. Your friends and your girlfriend started confirming their suspicion towards each other, fueling their believe that you would be cheating. It seems the only way to not be destroyed is to roll with the punches, kicks, etc.but never let them knock you down. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. I hope you're okay now. The relationship will not change if they each blame each other. Funny thing, with Spain, their law is very discriminatory for men. I realize thats not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. I found fighting them makes things worse. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. A relationship with a bpd is not a relationship at all, so the question itself is flawed. After three months of pregnancy, she stopped working, but she did not start doing any of the home chores. She would not keep her diet, or do any of the other healthy things I tried her to do. Its quite the opposite. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. Thank you Zan. What Colors Make Blue Food Coloring Blue? F: "I bet he is!" I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. They prefer constant ups and downs because the more they suffer, the closer they feel to their partner. They were texting me. We had a huge fight the day before I left and I was planning on breaking up with she said absolutely TERRIBLE things to me like wishing that I got AIDS. That helps. Then poof! Your IP: if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. All the red flags. That might give away your power of knowledge about them. That has been my worst nightmare for really long because I'm like you, I can't leave a kid and I know she wants a kid from me, she wants a genius beautiful kid, I get shivers just thinking it. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. And try not to worry too much about your ex. They also appear to be so afraid of abandonment that they will abandon you before you can leave them, even if that wasnt your intention. I'm happy that I was "released" so early and I dodged a bullet. A lot of men end up with younger women with BPD. The day I made my mind, I met her, started to say the words and she said she was pregnant. My therapist said that my ex maybe had BPD. And when they win those battles (accomplish what theyve been after all along), they change their scarce mindset to an abundant mindset and put themselves at risk of detaching. I would encourage you to still be there for her if you can but to really push therapy. When you think that youre treated well in your relationship you feel in love. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. They think they need to go from one roller coaster ride to the next without stopping or theyll get bored and feel unfulfilled. They put all the blame and shame on people who are already stigmatized and have great challenges in life. Leave your house early to go to work. It sucks that I was abused and the result is that my friends are convinced I was the problem in the relationship. They do this because they wish to be one step ahead of their partners. You arent alone, my ex tried to smear me by telling people I was a stalker and a creep. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. Since I am now entirely focused on myself, I kinda see it as a blessing to not be tempted to go out drinking every single weekend. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. She will drive you crazy and take a toll on your self-esteem. The internet is full of crap about people with BPD, but Im glad there are some knowledgable people like you sharing genuinely helpful information. And kissed her, then kissed me. This is because the person with BPD cannot tolerate the bad feelings within themselves and needs to discharge them in an attempt to feel good about themselves. Why else go to Thailand? the problem occurse when a trigger gets so bad a borderline shut down. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. Also she had every sign of BPD, now that I know what they are. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. When our son was two, she asked me if I am going to marry her eventually. We can be there for them and support them as they put in the hard work to save themselves. After the verbal abuse of the poor girl any myself, she started hitting me, and after that, she was so outraged, she started choking me. You have to prove her wrong. Perhaps Youre a great person, with lots of good qualities and Im happy for you and your relationship, but not everyone is the same. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. From chronic emptiness to uncontrollable anger, there is a lot of variation from symptom to symptom. How can they be so cruel? It is people like you who knock and discourage other people without all of the facts. emotionally and physically abuse their partner, break their partner down and apologize after, constantly shift from hot to cold and vice versa, appear obsessed and addicted to various (unhealthy) substances, expect double standards (I can do this, but you cant), control and demand constant attention, support, validation and provide very little reassurance in return, cause envy and jealousy and look for a negative reaction, obsessively seek control (go through the phone, stalk on social media, and dig deep into peoples pasts), justify their toxic behavior with the way they feel, spreading rumors and smearing you to his/her friends and to the people you know, dating someone new right after the breakup and bragging about it, calling you bad names and trying to bring a bad reaction out of you, prank calling you and exposing your secrets/vulnerabilities, throwing tantrums for not receiving your attention, trying to ruin your relationships, damage your work, and affect the way you perceive yourself, find someone else and pretend to be happy with that person, promise to change ask you to give him/her one more chance despite giving him or her plenty of chances. It has been 4 months for me, as well. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. My overnight ghosting occurred after I (by mistake) almost caused her and her husband to break up and she split me black for almost a year. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. We can love them and care for them. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). She hid her medical appointments or data from me. One day I left my laptop opened and left she read it all. Hardly any of this is true. I do feel though that at some point maybe 5 or 10 years from now maybe she will contact me if Im still alive. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. Thats a classic sign of BPD. They are convinced she was nothing but loving in the relationship and she didn't deserve getting cheated on. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. If this is whats happening to you, its important that you stop checking up on your ex and cease all contact immediately. Thank you for this article, Zan. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. I am not like this at all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie. Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. That sucks. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? First, every relationship is different. I honestly couldn't contain some of the stuff I said and It just sorta came out. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. I was 24, she was 32 at the time. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? No Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex. On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. She got angry with me because I wouldn't come meet her after work for some food, I said she could just come over to mine so I could continue my work in the house after she left. If they feel threatened, they pick a quarrel with their partner and defend themselves. It is imperative that the couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. BPD Ex destroyed my reputation So, my ex and I had the same friend group. It may be time to consider getting professional help. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. Can you live with them? Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. That they should not have anyone in their life to love, or be loved by. I see no evidence that this is a competent therapist or has any Psychological background or knowledge. There needs to be an education and understanding, a warning about people like these exploiting and manipulating the system. So I did. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He Says He's Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now, borderline personality disorder and sudden break up, Borderline personality disorder breakup cycle, borderline personality disorder relationships break up, dumped by someone with borderline personality disorder, How to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, what to do when someone with bpd pushes you away, what to do when your bpd partner breaks up with you, when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, Letting Go Of Someone You Love Who Doesnt Love You. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. He only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling. Little do they know. She was horrible during her pregnancy. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. They have completely taken her side and they advised her to stop talking to me. I sincerely hope you are right. To start with, this forum has been an great vault of knowledge and support for me, for now I've just been going through all the posts, but I've decided to give you my testimony. In couples counseling, the borderline partner who is splitting will usually explain why their partner is the problem, in order to fix them. Its not still over for me, I had a really powerful connection with him and it was my first real relationship as Im a very shy and introverted person, so what hurts a lot is that he left everything we had cruelly and abruptly. The kid thing it's a lack of any bounderies I think. I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. "Vent", as you guys call it. Even when you fell in love and stayed with him or her. GF: "Ugh what an ass. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. After a week of kitesurfing in Spain, I received a text from work I had to send a small report (5 minutes of work tops). 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? I hope someday I feel free from this pain and gain my lessons. Fuck. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. BPD is a type of personality disorder. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. They direct their emotions inward rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of place until your blind sided. because you clearly have experience dating someone with these problems, but do not have a clear understanding of what bpd entails. but realise that it is just as terrifying for a borderline to witness the actions and words happening and not being able to break through the numbness that has suddenly occured. Ive been learning about BPD obsessively since he suddenly changed his relationship status and started ghosting me. I feel terrible,Ive sent an apologie message but no reply. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. In this way, they project their bad feelings onto their partner who is blamed for how they feel. BPD is not NPD do some research! 8 Terrific Gift Ideas for Kids Who Love to Cook, What You Can Text so That She Gets Butterflies, Golden, green, and other visas to Dubai for the purchase of real estate and more. I have done that (actually even twice), but I got back for the sake of my son. Re: Girlfriend has BPD and its destroying me. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. There are two ways to answer that question. Please readers dont ask me how I know this. They made fun of it or thought Im crazy. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. So much so that they start arguments out of the blue and demand solutions. I hope youre doing a little better. We have actually had a massive argument today. She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. If you are a good person, your kid, in the end, will go to you again. Unfortunately, I haven't had the strength to not reach out every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months - essentially, to let her know "it's okay", "I understand/support you", "hope you're feeling well today", blah-blah-blah. She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve. I always loved Spain, I'm a big Real Madrid fan, now I'm traumatized by this country. Im a Psychologist, Im training in DBT (the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD). I doubted myself so much because I constantly had the feeling that I was dying. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. They werent my children, but I loved them to and got very attached to them. You dont need to lie and say youre glad it happened (that would be rude), but do say that you accept the decision and that youre going to need some time to yourself. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? They convinced your bpd gf ypu were going to cheat! From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. In the end you are left confused and heartbroken in the worst possible way. I can see what happened here. Borderlines can be very convincing that their partner is the problem, often persuading the therapist that their partner is to blame for not putting more effort into the relationship. To this point. Im so sorry to hear that. She forced me to gave all my passwords, and block most of my friends. Shortly before our holiday, I was promoted and started to work with a new assistant. I called a doctor, whom she said I beat her. At work, on a balcony where people could see, in a car on a highway. "It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation.". This is not only about your pwBPD. Why Do BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail? I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. It does not make us monsters. In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. and often times crumble under the guilt of their actions afterwards. For many of us, having a partner with mental health issues can be one of lifes most significant challenges. Say that you need at least a few months of no contact and that youll reach out when and if youre ready to talk again. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. I honestly believe that people with BPD shouldn't be in romantic relationships until they have shown they are willing to work hard in therapy and make progress. She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. I love this girl I really do and I'm gonna do my best to sort this out. Anyway, this article made more sense after half way through. This means people with BPD may have rocky relationships,. But those were all things I was unaware at that moment. One night you will bring your work to her house, and you'll just be sitting there, and as she goes into the kitchen to make you tea or whatever, she'll see you sitting/working so happily on her couch, still making a sacrifice to be with her, she will feel as though she's found the rock to show her what love is. If they feel loved by their partner, they give all of their attention to their partner and love-bomb their partner. She made a mother of all mayhems. Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation. Exactly bro, some info is accurate but most of it is just making us out to be monsters. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. However, we can't be the crutch that enables them. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? So if youre wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. They essentially drag their partners into their own battle, make them experience extreme highs and extreme lows, and make their partners dependent on them by giving them affection and taking it away. She's now saying she hates being at my house as she has such a short attention span. When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. Some people think that those with borderline personality disorders are weak and that they always stay loyal due to their codependence, but the truth is that this isnt always the case. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. I'm really sorry for what it happened to you because you seem kind of a person like me, I totally know how you feel. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. To them, relationships are battles of power. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. Thats why theres no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD. your notes helped me a lot. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. They may not see their actions as destructive. I'm Spanish and I know what you talking about. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d704ee2c21c I feel for you. But generally speaking, the nicer you express yourself, the higher the chances that your ex wont react negatively. There is almost no possible way to get out of this without a sentence. Thanks for the advise people, I really do want to take this on head first but I'm finding it so hard to deal with, yes she has met some of my female friends but not all. They may respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships. But the main difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person with BPD doesnt. Openness and understanding about mental health is the solution. I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. As part of the bootcamp, I had to go talk to random people and ask them for their phone number. We still decided to be friends since she said she forgave me for "screwing her over". For me, that was it. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) And Concussion. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. Former model, really beautiful girl. sometimes luring me with good deeds and then . I know now. I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders.

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